Toastmasters CC4 - How to say it

CC4 – Pushing up Daisies

HERE IS A SMALL FACT You are - going - to die.

One of these days you will bite the dust,
meet your maker,
enter the eternal abyss,
soon you'll be pushing up daisies

Mr Toastmaster, Ladies and Gentleman. No matter how gently I try to tell you about your future, the facts remain the same – we are all going to die

If you are a toastmaster then you've got nothing to worry about. A recent survey found that people are more afraid of public speaking than of dying.
I'm not one of those people! I prefer being up here talking to you, instead of listening to a bunch of boring sentimental speeches at my own funeral.

Why am I scared of meeting the grim reaper? It's the fear of the unkown. I can only rely on my imagination ….he will arrive silently one cold evening, covered in a black hood as dark as the night, his bony hands grasping my soul.

Unfortunately when we die we don't get an invitation stating the When, where and how.
Doomsday Prophecies tell us that we don't have to worry about the When. On December 21 2012 the world will come to an end. That leaves us with 1023 days to worry about the where and how and with 58 Toastmaster meetings to discuss it.

What scares me more than the fear of the unknown is the prospect of pain. Just think about all the excruciating ways a person can die … drowning in the turbulent ocean, falling hundreds of feet with the wind in your ears and the blurry ground rapidly coming into focus, burning your insides with a tiny glass bottle containing a clear liquid – poison … Romeo & Juliet made it seem so Romantic – What William Shakespeare forget to tell us was the pain.

But the secret is not how to die, it's how to live. Princess Diana died in a horrible car accident but when you think about her what do you remember? How she died or how she hugged an aids orphan.

At her funeral Sir Elton John paid tribute to her with the following lyrics: "Goodbye England's rose
May you ever grow in our hearts
You were the grace that placed itself
Where lives were torn apart
And your footsteps will always fall you
Along England's greenest hills
Your candle's burned out long before
Your legend never will"

Princess Diana was Englands Rose. But her memory did not fade away like the colours of the rose petals after a few days, her good deeds did not become irrelevant. She left an amazing legacy behind. Even with a dying rose you can find beauty in the decay.

We should all follow in Diana's footsteps. Instead of worrying about dying we should focus on living. Friendships, relationships, good deeds, love.. .. you can work on all these things right now. You can leave an amazing legacy behind.

Ladies and Gentlemen

HERE IS A SMALL FACT

You are – still alive.

Mr. Toastmaster

Finance for non-financial Managers - Section1: Global Financial systems

A NAMIBIAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You make biltong

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
* You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A SOUTH AFRICAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You go on strike because you want three cows.
* They get stolen, so you blame the previous regime' and steal someone else's cows and shoot their owner.

A ZIMBABWEAN CORPORATION
* A farmer has two cows.
* You take over his farm, eat both cows and wait for the international community to supply more.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You re-design them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
* You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* Both are mad.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You pray to them for food.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
* You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You count them and learn you have five cows.
* You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
* You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
* You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
* You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
* You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You have 300 people milking them.
* You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* The one on the left is kinda cute

Invictus - William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul

Toastmaters CC3 - get to the point

Here is my CC3 speech that I gave at my Toastmaster club. The objective of the speech is to get to the point. The copyright of this entire speech belongs to Zani Smit and may not be reproduced.

CRY ME A RIVER - Zani Smit

We all enter this world crying, and then 50 or 60 or 80 years later when we’re again pink and wrinkly we leave this world with everyone else crying at our funerals.

Madam Toastmaster, ladies & Gentlemen

My favorite memory of my dad is not of him laughing when I told a knock-knock joke, or getting excited when he opened his X-mass present of blue handkerchiefs. It is of him sitting next to me in the movie theater. I was only 10 years old and we were watching Lion King. I didn’t have a box of popcorn on my lap but a box of Kleenex because my Dad was bawling his eyes out. I still remember the scene, Mufasa’s Ghost said: “Look inside yourself Simba, you are more than what you have become. You must take your place in the Circle of Life. Remember who you are. You are my son, and the one true King.”

I stored this memory of my Dad and years later when he had to walk me down the aisle I was well prepared for his tears and had a bunch of tissues hidden underneath my wedding veil.

Why do we love to cry? And why is it so important to cry? Maybe it’s because crying is so spontaneous even more so than laughing. Let’s first take a look at why woman cry. When your boyfriend gets down on one knee and pops the question it’s only natural to cry. He wouldn’t be impressed if you started laughing when you saw the size of that diamond. It’s also very natural to cry when you get a speeding ticket for driving 100 in an 80 zone and you’re pulled over by the metro police. There I said it – Woman use crying as a manipulation tool.

Are there any males in this audience who likes to cry? Please raise your hand if you do. When is it acceptable for men to cry… when they are chopping an onion, when their sports team loses or when their little girl’s heart gets broken for the very first time.

According to various cultures there are many acceptable reasons to cry .The first reason to cry is death. Grieving includes crying and people still believe that if someone does not cry at a funeral, they would suffer physically because they did not release their pain. Experiences in life and love are other reasons society allows us to cry. Cultures around the world are pro crying out of obligation, for show, and for grief and pain. We need to cry to function in the world.

Crying is a more complicated process than one would at first imagine. First of all, you get different types of tears.
1) Basal tears keep our eyes lubricated.
2) Reflex tears are produced when our eyes get irritated – like when you are chopping an onion.
3) The last kind of tear is produced when the body reacts emotionally to something.

Each type of tear contains different amounts of chemical proteins and hormones. Crying reduces these hormone and chemical levels in the body, and helps us return to a calm

That is why crying is beneficial to us both emotionally and physically. Traditionally Women have been allowed to cry more than men but the benefits of crying seem to suggest that men need to cry more.

Ladies and gentleman, Madam Toastmaster I want you to cry. It’s good for you. You can do it right now, I have a box of tissues, or if you want we can wait for the prize giving when the Sergeant at Arms doesn’t give you the trophy. Why wait till tomorrow when you’re stuck in traffic on the N1 or until the 7 o clock news when Julius Malema’s wisdom wants to make you cry.

I also don’t care how much you cry. One silent tear will be enough, crocodile tears will be even better a bucket full of tears would exceed my expectations. You know what ladies and gentlemen why don’t you just cry me a river?

Madam Toastmaster

Toastmasters International Humorous Speech

I competed in Toastmasters International District 74's Area A2 Humorous Contest on October 8 2009. The copyright of the speech belongs to me: Zani Smit

THE SECRET CHICKEN CONVENTION - Zani Smit

This is Ann Gardner, life from NASA headquarters, reporting on a strange event that took place. A spaceship just crashed into planet Jupiter and no one is claiming responsibility. Not the Taliban, not Zimbabwe and not even the aliens. The spaceship looks like and egg and the pilot has a red beak. We will now play the SOUND coming from the ship.

Pik pik pik kla kla kla

My fellow chicks and chickens don’t be afraid. You’ve risked your lives to attend tonight’s Secret Chicken Convention but I can assure you that this venue is safe and that no chicken will be grilled or fried here tonight. Listen chickens a few humans managed to sneak in, don’t panic our secrets are safe the SAA is programming their brains and they now think this is a humorous contest. If any of the humans laugh then smile and wave.

We are here tonight to discuss our plans to take over the known and unknown universe. you’ve just heard the human news they have no clue that we chickens just conquered another planet Jupiter. Right after the big bang my great, great, great, great, great (pause) great grandfather was the first being to leave earth’s atmosphere and to land on the moon. His words: “one small step for chicken kind, one giant leap for poultry”

The agenda for tonight’s Secret Chicken Convention:
a) How do we fool the humans into believing chickens are stupid farm animals
b) The financing of our space missions
c) A progress report on our accomplishments


A) How do we fool the humans when they have spy satellites? We have much more sophisticated technology that allows us to see everywhere even what is going on in district 9. I’m taking about chicken agents that we station on every single church roof. The training is vigorous these roosters have to sit as still as statues, overcome their fear of heights and move with the wind.

There is a problem, one human suspects our plans the former minister of health, garlic & beetroot. The one who likes her alternative medicines. When she was just a little girl our scientists tried to eliminate her with chicken pocks. Then when she hit menopause the military doctors took over and gave her bird flu. None of our efforts have worked so this year we will use a not so kosher solution – swine flu.

B) How do we finance our space missions? What do you see on the street corner of every small town, big city, township? KFC, Nando’s, Chicken Licken. Fast Food restaurants that make a lot of money for us because we own them. The best news is that they don’t sell chicken.

C) Our progress report shows that we chickens are clearly the winners of the space race. Humans are too busy asking themselves silly questions.

What came first the chicken or the egg? Why did the chicken cross the road?
Is Michael Jackson really dead?

Let's take a closer look at our accomlishments and at Human stupidity.

We chickens land on the moon then NASA files a report saying the chicken crossed the road because he wanted to get laid.

We take over mars, Venus, mercury and Pluto then the Taliban uploads an underground video saying: the chicken was on a suicide mission, he will now live on in infamy as the chicken who dared to cross the road.

My fellow chicks and chickens it’s sad that humans are so easily distracted from the truth. The earth is melting down and their own race is dying from diseases that can’t be cured by garlic & beetroot.

In reality we chickens aren’t crossing towards the other side of the road
Tonight we are leaving earth and would have crossed to the other side of the universe.
Contest Chairman

Untitled - because i have so much to say

I’m crying and I don’t know why
It’s not like someone died or I have to say Bye
Maybe I’m happy I just don’t know what to say
or overly ecstatic but it’s work instead of play

It’s strange planning once future
when you can’t see round the bends
or connecting with old acquaintances
when you can’t really call them friends

So tomorrow I’m older adding one year
new house, car, ? kids… definitely a faster gear
should I celebrate or should I be scared
run, hide, stay, complain… or should I just not care

New Zealand through my lens

Just some special moments I captured on holiday in New Zealand.

Movie of the year: District 9

Aliesns, Prawn, Xeneophia, Scamming Nigerians... "District 9" has it all - this movie is the best Sci-Fi since Aliens, it's hillariously funny and it says a lot about humanity.

Trick or Treat with Sexy skeletons

It's almost time for Halloween, if you can't find a date then why not take a sexy skeleton to trick or treat with you.

The light side of Fashion

Coca-Cola lite makes a bold fashion statement

Promises from the word of God

The blood of Jesus Christ cleanses you from sin.
1 John 1:7; Col 1:14

Jesus Christ died to give you eternal life.
John 3: 16; John 6:47

Expect His presence in your life.
Ex 33: 14; Ps 140:13

You can expect answers to your prayers.
John 15:7; Mark 11:24

God will teach you the turth
Ps: 32:8; Is: 28:26

God will work miracles in your life.
Mark 9:23; John 14:12

God will fill your life with love.
1 John 4:16; John 15:10

You can grow spiritually.
2 Cor 3:18; Eph 3 17-19

God will bless your family.
Jer 32:39; Ps 115:14

God wants us to live in peace.
2 Cor 11:16; John 13:35

Bible verses for your personal problems

Here are some bible verses that address specific personal problems.

Doubt & fear?
Phil 4:13; Cor 3:5

Hard to live a clean life?
1 Cor 6:11; Jude 24

Need peace of mind?
Phil 4:7; Is 32:17

Tempted?
Rom 8:37; 1 Cor 10:13

Hung up with guilt?
Rom 8:1; Rom 3:24

Financial worries?
Phil 4:19; Luke 11:9

Unhappy?
Ps 126:5; Ps 45:7

Need Protection?
Gen 28:15; Ps 4:8

Hung up with guilt?
Rom 8:1; Rom 3:24

Sickness a problem?
James 5:15; Mark 16: 17-18

Need wisdom?
James 1:5; Ecc 2:26

Are you lonely?
Heb 13:5; Is 54:10

Impatient?
Heb 10:36; Gal 6:9

Grieving?
PS 23:4; 2 Thes 2: 16-17

Feeling inadequate/frustrated?
Is 45:24; 1 Cor 1:30

Feeling insecure?
Deut 33:27; Ps 46:1

The Dark Knight - my favourite quotes

Joker: "I'm a simple man, i like gun powder and gasoline, there cheap."

Joker: "People will die.... starting tonight....im a man of my word...."
Joker: "I believe that what doesn't kill you simply makes you...stronger."
Joker:“You won’t kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness and I won’t kill you because you’re too much fun; I think you and I are destined to do this forever”

Joker:" I dont want to kill you , you complete me"
Joker:"How about a magic trick make this pencil disappear tada its gone"

Harvey Dent: "You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become a villan"

The interrogation scene:
Joker: “Evening Commissioner”
Gordon:“Harvey Dent never made it home”
Joker:“Of course not”
Gordon:“What have you done with him?”
Joker:“Me? I was right here … who’d you leave him with hmm … your people? Assuming of course they are still your people and not Maroni’s … does it depress you commissioner to know just how alone you really are … does it make you feel responsible for Harvey Dent’s current predicament?
Gordon:“Where is he?”
Joker:“What’s the time?”
Gordon:“What difference does that make?”
Joker:“Well depending on the time he may be in one spot or several”
Gordon:“If we’re going to play games … removes Joker’s restraints … I’m going to need a cup of coffee”
Joker:“Ah the good cop bad cop routine”
Gordon:“Not exactly”
[The lights come on and Gordon leaves revealing that Batman is also there who slams the Joker’s head into the table.]

[Batman slams fist down on Joker’s hand]

Batman:“You wanted me … here I am”

Joker:“I wanted to see what you’d do and you didn’t disappoint … you let five people die, then you let Dent take your place … even to a guy like me that’s cold”

Batman:“Where’s Dent?”

Joker:“Those mob fools want you gone so they can get back to the way things were, but I know the truth there’s no going back, you’ve changed things … forever”

Batman:“Then why’d you want to kill me?”

[Joker laughs]

Joker:“I don’t want to kill you … what would I do without you? Go back to ripping off mob dealers no … no, no … no … no you … you complete me”

Batman:“You’re garbage who kills for money”

Joker:“Don’t talk like one of them you’re not … even if you’d like to be … to them you’re just a freak … like me … they need you right now but when they don’t they’ll cast you out like a leper … see their morals their codes … it’s a bad joke dropped at the first sign of trouble … their only as good as the world allows them to be … I’ll show you … when the chips are down these err civilised people, they’ll eat each other … see I’m not a monster, I’m just ahead of the curve.”

[Batman leaps up and grabs the Joker and pulls him over the table.]

Batman:“Where is Dent?”

Joker:“All these rules do you think they’ll save you?”

[Batman slams Joker against brick wall]

Batman:“I have one rule”

Joker:“Oh and that’s the rule you’ll have to break to know the truth”

Batman:“Which is?”

Joker:“The only sensible way to live in this world is without rules and tonight you’re going to break your one rule”

Batman:“I’m considering it”

Joker:“Well there’s only minutes left so you’re going to have to play my little game if you want to save one of them”

Batman:“Them?”
Joker:“You know for a while there I thought you really were Dent, the way you threw yourself after her”

[Batman slams Joker down on the table and then bolts the door with a chair.(Coughing)]

Joker: “Look at you go … does Harvey know about you and his little bunny…?”

[Batman slams the Joker head-first into the reflective glass and cracks it.]

Batman:“Where are they?!”

Joker:“Killing is making a choice”

[Batman punches him]

Joker:“You choose between one life or the other, your friend the District Attorney or the blushing bride-to-be” …

[Batman punches Joker again … (Joker laughing)]

Joker: “You have nothing, nothing to threaten me with, nothing to do with all your strength” … [Batman picks him up by the collar]

Joker:“Don’t worry I’m going to tell you where they are … both of them and that’s the point … you’ll have to choose either 252nd street and she’s out Avenue X.”

Why so serious?

Meet The Waiter

After 4 years of reading his popular blog - Waiter rant, and only knowing him as the Waiter, his identity is finally revealed. Steve Dublanica comes clean as The Waiter in an interview with the New York Post where he talks about his new book: "Waiter Rant - Confessions of a cynical waiter.". Just like his blog the book confirms every diner's worst fears. In the interview he talks about 5 lessons that you have to know when you eat out.

Check out the interview below:

STEVE Dublanica has swapped your decaf coffee for regular, "crop dusted" your table with his intestinal gas and called the cops on you after you got drunk and staggered out to your car.
Lesson No. 1: "Waiters can and do spit in people's food . . . I prefer more elegant methods of revenge."Dublanica is a waiter. Actually, he's "The Waiter" behind the anonymous (until now) four-year-old blog Waiter Rant, and he's got a new book of the same name out in stores today chronicling his nine-year career waiting tables in the city's affluent suburbs (he won't divulge the true identity of "The Bistro"). Anthony Bourdain has called it "the front-of-the-house version of 'Kitchen Confidential,' " his stomach-churning restaurant exposé that changed the way New Yorkers ordered food.

Similarly, whether you fear Dublanica or sympathize with him, you may think twice before treating him - or any other waiter - shabbily again. Because if you still insist on stiffing him after reading his book, he'll just put a friendly little note ("customer's an a - - hole," perhaps) under your name in the Open Table reservation system. Good luck getting that 8 p.m. table next Saturday night.

Lesson No. 2: "If you never get the table you want at your favorite restaurant . . . someone at the restaurant doesn't like you."Because if there's anything to be learned from "Waiter Rant," it's that there are consequences to behaving like a self-entitled jerk. "I think a misconception people have of me is that I treat everyone askance - that I give a hard time to every customer - but that's not true," says Dublanica over dinner one evening at Danny Meyer's Eleven Madison Park. Dublanica, 40, is dressed in preppy khaki pants and a navy blazer.

"I would give a hard time only to the ones who deserved it." Among the folks who have "deserved" to see Dublanica's "thousand-yard waiter stare" are those who call him names, those who feign food poisoning to get out of paying the bill and those who make "unreasonable demands" ("'Hi waiter, I want sushi.' 'Um, we're an Italian restaurant, ma'am, we don't have sushi.' 'But you have tuna, don't you?'").Foodies are particularly irksome, according to Dublanica, "because they ask questions they already know the answers to." ("You don't have super-fancy balsamic vinegar, do you?")

Lesson No. 3: "It's gotten to the point where I can tell how much money I'm going to make off a customer within 10 seconds of meeting them."
Of course, as any diner who has been treated unfairly in a restaurant knows, not everyone always gets the same level of service.
And profiling diners based on age, sex and race is still rampant in the industry. "I try not to fall into that trap," says Dublanica. "I've had waiters say to me, 'this group doesn't tip well' - whatever. I don't believe that. The people who have given me the worst tips of my life have been white Anglo-Saxon males."

Lesson No. 4: "Restaurants are places where people struggle to make a living."
At Eleven Madison Park, a small army of servers caters to our every whim. Why would anyone want to ruin this bit of dinner theater with the sordid backstage details contained in Dublanica's book?

For Dublanica, the answer boils down to responsibility. If you care whether the pig you are eating was humanely raised, shouldn't you also care about the people preparing it? "You need to know where your food comes from," he says. "The same thing holds true for restaurants. You should know that the waiter doesn't make a salary and a tip [or] that a good percentage of restaurants don't treat their employees well. "You're always gonna have people who say [that] you should be lucky you get 10 percent - and those people are lousy customers and you don't want them anyway. Then you're gonna have people who genuinely don't know [what goes on in the restaurant industry] and are interested and maybe they'll be annoyed, like with Anthony Bourdain's book."
But even perfectly nice customers like "The Waiter" have to deal with the occasional dining snafu: When it's time to leave Eleven Madison Park, we notice a charge for a $75 glass of dessert wine that was never ordered and is eventually removed from the bill.

Lesson No. 5: "Always examine the check!"
We leave in excess of 20 percent anyway. Maybe the waiter was just having a bad night.

Sellotape Art

Happy Birthday Madiba!

Today is a very Special day. It's our African granddaddy Nelson Mandela's 90th Birthday.

From everyone who still lives and breathes our African soil, we wish him a wonderful day and thank him for all he has done for South Africa and the rest of the world. We love you Madiba!

Innibos 2008 - wat 'n fees!

Innibos is tans die 3de Grootste Afrikaanse Kunstefees in Afrika. Dit vind elke Junie vakansie plaas in Nelspruit in die Laeveld. Hierdie jaar het ek, my man, my suster en nog 'n paar vriende vir die naweek afgegaan.

Die Vrydag het ons die hele dag op die Feesterein spandeer en die bekende "Kobus se gat" roosterkoeke met sosaties in ge-eet. Ons het ook die bier tent verruil vir die Wyn Tent en vir R10 kon ons 'n wyn glaas kry en al hul wyne beproef. Die wyn tent was 'n oulike opset met 'n groot toonbank waar die wyn proe plaasgevind het en klomp tafeltjies en sambrele waar ons later 'n biltong en kaas platter saam met 'n Prestige Wyn geniet het.
Die aand op die hoofverhoog was Navy Redd en Theuns Jordaan van die hoogtepunte en ons het almal eeder gaan koffie koop toe Juanita haar verksyning maak met haar waglike treffers.

Saterdag, het ons die feesterein 'n mis gegee en eeder gaan shows kyk. Eerste het ons maagspiere oortyd gewerk met die skreeusnaakse Drama genaamd: "Sophia Mentz beredder haar boedel." Die aand het ons na die mooiste venu in die hele Laeveld gegaan - Blue Moon. Daar het Klop Jag, Chris Cameleon, Watershed en Prime Circle opgetree. Dit was ongelooflik om so onder die sterre te le, obs te drink en na die sterre op die verhoog te kyk.

Class of 99

Ons het onlangs 'n braai gehou met 'n paar ou skool vriende.
Hier is die kiekies...

Your overdoing it at they gym when ...

1. Instead of buying bottled water you use the gym's water cooler machine
2. One your way to a wedding you realize that you still have your adidas track suite on
3. Your Christmas cards are for your trainer, nutritionist, the staff at Kauai, the aerobic, yoga, Pilates and spinning instructors
4. You speak more to Vernon Koekemor types at the gym than your actual friends back home
5. You’re an expert at mixing protean shakes and fancy yourself as Tom Cruise in Cocktail
6. Just because you are never home doesn't mean you stop watching TV, the treadmills, bikes and steppers do have their own TV screens
7. You are so used to exercising with your IPod that you tend to yell at people in the supermarket while you are running laps with your trolley.
8. You don't have any clean socks left so you are forced to wear mixed pairs
9. Your spouse tells you that you are doing stomach crunches in your sleep
10. When people ask you where you are you say: "I'm at uncle Richard's" (referring to Virgin Active of course)

Best copy ad

Click on image to enlarge. First read the normal text and then read the highligted words.

What is a crocodile?

The crocodile is specially built long because the flatter the better swimmer. At the front of the crocodile is the head. The head exists almost only of teeth. Behind the crocodile the tail grows between the head and tail is the crocodile. A crocodile without a tail is called a Rottweiler.

A crocodile’s body is covered with handbag material. He can throw his tail off if he gets a fright but it doesn’t happen much cause a crocodile is scared of nothing. A crocodile stays under the water because if you were so ugly, you would also stay under the water.

It is a good thing because a person gets such a big fright if a crocodile catches you that the croc has to rinse you off before he can eat you. A crocodile isn’t hardly as dangerous as people say he is, except if he catches you. The longer a crocodile bites you the more it hurts. Very old crocodiles suck their people and buck that they catch dead.

If you eat a crocodile it is called a crocosatie. The little brother of a crocodile is a lizard. The slow sister of a crocodile is a chameleon. The gay brother is a daffodil and a crocodile also has a dead brother called a frikkadel.

Lank lewe die krokenoster!!!

Mc who?

Here is something to nibble on:
McDreamy, McSteamy and McDonald (also known as Big Mc)

Why I could never win the lotto

I'll never win the lotto for these 3 simple reasons:

1. I don't buy lotto tickets (never have and never will)

2. A varsity friend of mine did a project as part of her first year mechanical engineering course. They worked out the probability of winning the lotto and in their findings discovered that if you used all the different combinations of numbers on different tickets then you would win the lotto but you would make a loss because the amount of combinations are far more than the amount in the lotto pool.
3. Because I'd rather see a rainbow and that is what this blog post is actually all about my rainbow....

...See sometimes I do dream about winning the lotto and fantasizing about all the money. The only problem is that soon the smirk on my face turns into a frown as I try to work out what to do with all the "money." What would I buy first? Should I first pay of my debts and then spoil myself or the other way around? Am I supposed to share the money with my husband, sister, parents, church, friends and poor people? Do you tell people that you won the lotto? Do you switch banks? Do you invest the money locally or do you stuff it in a duffel bag and head to Switzerland where the exchange rate will anyway render it useless? I can go on forever but you probably get the point - winning the lotto would be to stressful for me.

So I've decided to wish for simpler but much nicer things in life - like seeing a rainbow (not because of the pot of gold at the end of it). I wondered how long it would take for me to see one and not even two weeks after I've been fantasising about seeing a rainbow my wish was granted this morning. We were staying at the Bakubung camp in the Pilanesberg and woke up at 5 to go for a game drive. The first thing that we saw was this beautiful rainbow, followed by a sunrise, a herd of elephants and three rhinos. So there you have it Lady Luck, I'd rather have my rainbow thank you very much.

Tata ma chance, Tata ma rainbow!

I dedicate this cloud ...

This is the view from where I stay. Jaco took the photo one morning not too long ago after I told him the story of the Jewish fist fighter (Max). The photos are to give you an idea what the sky looked like on that particular day, because unlike Max you don't live in a German family's basement in Munich during World War II. Max, the basement Jew, is one of the lead characters in the best-selling novel "The Book Thief " by Markus Zusak. (The sky and clouds in these photos are dedicated to him)

In this book a german family the Hubermanns hides Max in their basement and his only contact with the outside world is with a young girl Liesel that visits him every afternoon in the basement. She gives Max a review of what the weather is like each day by describing the color of the sky so that he can imagine the world above the basement. "The sky is blue today, Max, and there is a big long cloud . . . . At the end of it, the sun is like a yellow hole. "

Max and Liesel become close friends and when Max falls sick Liesel takes it upon herself to give him a cloud as a present. (She writes down exactly how the cloud looks like and intends to tell Max the minute he wakes up). This got me thinking, how do you describe a cloud or the sky to someone.... go outside right now and try.... it's really difficult.

I've been practising everyday and I have to admit that Liesel would be proud of me if she could see the pictures (but obviously she can't because she's now dead and I'm just another fictional character in a book).

Recycling a movie premise

A movie premise is the bottom line of a movie, what it is all about and what the movie comes down to. There are only a handful of movie premises that gets used over and over again. Here are some of the most recycled and overused movie premises.

1. Good VS Evil (Bourne Ultimatum, The Departed, American Gangster, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Spiderman, Superman, Batman, I am Legend, Star Wars, Fantastic Four, The last Nimzy).Sometimes the lines can be blurred and the hero can be the evil one (Mr. Brooks, Perfect Stranger). Or it can even be a case of Evil fighting Evil (Aliens VS Predators)

2. Boy meets Girl (When Harry meets Sally, Pride & Prejudice, Titanic, The Corpse Bride, Scent of a Woman, The Notebook, Stardust, Enchanted, Failure to Launch, No Reservations, Ameli, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, My Best Friends Wedding, 27 Dresses, You've got Mail, Noting Hill, How to loose a guy in 10 days).
This premise can have a twist that the couple doesn't end up together (The Breakup, Prime) or it could be Boy meets Boy (Brokeback Mountain) or Girl meets Girl (Kissing Jessica Stein) or even Boy meets several girls (Alfie)

3. Unlikely Friendship/Partnership (The Bucket List, Shawshank Redemption, You & Me & Dupree, Radio, Driving Miss Daisy, Blades of Glory)

4. Save the World from Disaster (Armageddon, Team America, Volcano, Men in Black, Signs, War of the Worlds, Independence Day)

5. The underdog (Legally Blond, Mean Girls, Sydney White, Hairspray, Shrek, A Shark Tail, White Stripes, Million Dollar Baby, The longest Yard, Coach Carter, The Mask, Charlie and the chocolate Factory)

6. A family comes together (Little Miss Sunshine, The Family Stone, Mrs Doubtfire, Big Fish, August Rush)

7. A quest for something (Fools Gold, Mad Money, The Italian Job, The Da vinci Code, Oceans 11, National Treasure, Pirates of the Carribean, tomb raider)

8. From ugly Duckling to Swan (My Fair Lady, Pretty Women, Never been kissed, 10 things I hate about you)

9. Random killing (House of Wax, I know what you did last summer, Scream, Midnight on elm street, Halloween, Jeepers Creepers, Friday the 13th).

10.Spoof/Satire/ Rip off (Meet the Spartans, Robin Hood - men in tights, Not another teen movie, Scary Movie, Epic Movie)

Writers Block

For the past few months I've been burning the midnight oil - trying to finish the manuscript I'm writing for Pearsons. There were moments where I just wanted to run away, burn the pages that I've already written or use an imperius curse to et the nearest person to me to finish the book for me.

As any writer would tell you writers block can't be avoided. I had a close deadline to work to and I had to think of some quick and very unconventional methods to overcome writers block in a time frame of say half an hour.

How to overcome writers block in half an hour:
1. Take off your bra (we'll that's only if you're a women, maybe if you're a guy putting on a bra would give you some inspiration - just kidding). The only way that I can write is if I'm not distracted in any way. I need to clear my mind and by taking off my bra I gained a sense of freedom. PS: Only try this tip at home not at an office!

2. Invent a snack (the combination of peanut butter and feta cheese on a provita seemed to do the trick)

3. Intoxicate yourself (loads of strong coffee, a sip of wine and chocolate that will get your sugar levels up)

4. Throw a tantrum (scream, cry, kick the door, jump up and down, laugh hysterically afterwards you'll feel much calmer, and it's much better than trying to keep your emotions in)

5. Read about Britney (at the times when I really felt sorry for myself and though it was the worst punishment in the world to write a book I went to Perezhilton.com and read about Britney Spears. You really won't believe how reading about her failed life managed to cheer me up)

6. Change of location (writers get bored of their surroundings and that's the main reason why I got myself a laptop and not a PC so that I can just pack up and go write somewhere else. I even took the bus 3 weeks ago to go visit my parents and to write my book there for one week)

7. Phone a friend (organising your social life over weekends is a must. Once you know you have something to look forward to it's easier to convince yourself to work again)

8. Play useless computer games (the past few months I revisited some of the games that I used to play 8 years ago - Minesweeper, hearts and Solitaire)

9. Just Do it (force yourself to write one word, one sentence and then one paragraph, before you know it you'll have finished your first page)

10. Blog (write about writers block. The AA always tell their people once you admit you have a problem you're halfway there to solving)

I'm starting a book club

A few weeks ago I went to visit my parents and I went along to one of my mom's book club meetings. I was so nice that my sister and I have decided to start our very own book club with a couple of lady friends.

Here is a list of a couple of books that we are going to start with in our book pool. I recommend all of these book if you also want to start your own book club.

1. Sky Burial by Xinran
2. Veronica decides to die and The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
3. Q&A by Vikas Swarup
4. The curious incident of the dog in the night time by Mark Haddon
5. The Kite Runner by Khalded Hosseini
6. Life of Pi by Yann Martel
7. White Thorn, Power of one and Jessica by Bryce Courtney
8. The little prince by Antoine de saint exupery
9. The famished road by Ben Okri
10. Making money by Terry Pratchett

The only thing normal in life ...

is the setting on a hairdryer, that's according to my father in law.


















After finishing the book "Veronika decides to die" by Paulo Coelho (same author of the brilliant book - the Alchemist) I tend to agree with him.
In the book Veronika is send to a mental institution called Vilette, after she tries to commit suicide.

At Vilette she discovers that is better to be considered mad than to pretend to be normal by society standards and then end up mad anyway because you are denying yourself your dreams and ultimately the chance to live. ("collective madness is called sanity".)

According to society in this book it is normal to type on the keyboards that we know as the QWERTY keyboard, because most people wrongly assume that it is designed in this way to make us type faster. (It was actually invented to make us type slower because the keyboard keys used to stick together).

Society also thinks that it is normal for a clock to go clockwise (from left to right) and not the other way around. But who says that is normal? I always used to frown at my husband who eats with his knife and fork the other way around than what is said to be "normal" by society's standards. But after reading this book I'm ashamed at myself for wasting my time with petty things that society as branded as normal. So what if he wants to eat with his knife and fork the other way around - who says he isn't right and who says there is even a right or wrong.

So I've made a vow nether to try and be normal again, nether to try and fit into society because "they" think it is right. So far this decision has lifted a huge barrier off my shoulders. In the past I would have worried that my green hand bag didn't go with my pink skirt but now I just don't care. If I like the way I dress, walk, talk, act, think and dream then that's perfect for me. I don't want to be a clone or sheep of society, pressed into a perfect mould like a Stepford wife.

I just want to be me, even if that means people will tell me:"You're mad", at least 20 times a day. I'm ready with my answer - "Thank you that is the best compliment anyone could ever give me."

Gesteelde fone verkoop by Hello Cello Corporation

Laas week moes ek dringend 'n nuwe selfoon koop omdat myne in 'n glas water geval het. Ek het na die naaste plek wat Nokia selfone verkoop gegaan - Hello Cello Corporation in Waverley Plaza.

Ek het gedink dat 'n nuwe prepaid foon my ten minste R2,000 uit die sak sou jaag. Die eienaar het my egter ingelig dat hy 'n Nokia 2600 vir slegs R426 aan my sou verkoop. Ek het hom gevra hoekom is dit so goedkoop en hy het geantwoord: "We have a special". Hy het toe die foon van agter die toonbank gaan haal en vir my 'n Nokia boks gegee. Ek het met my kredietkaart betaal en hy het vir my 'n invoice met die hand uitgeskryf.

Toe ek by die huis kom het ek iets verkeerd begin vermoed. Eerstens die boks wat hy vir my gegee het, het slegs 'n nokia charger bevat en geen papiere of boekie met instruksies nie. Daar was dus geen waarborg op die foon nie en al die ander pre-paid fone wat ek gekoop het, het altyd met 'n waarborg gekom.

Toe ek die foon aansit was daar reeds 'n Welcome message op in Afrikaans. Die foon se message inbox was ook vol boodskappe en die Calendar was vol reminders om die kinders by die skool te gaan haal. Toe sink dit in - dit is seker 'n gesteelde foon wat ek gekoop het.

So as 'n waarskuwing moet nooit na die Hello Cello Corporation in Waverley Plaza gaan nie!