Afrikaans is 'n wenner

Melkweg - Dit is as 'n vrou 'n "Cleavage" het.
Intelligensiemengsel - Dubbel Rum en Coke.
Vingergeaktiveerdegasaangedrewetabak rolletjiteverligtingstoestelletjie - 'n lighter
Boosdoos - Die Engelse noem dit die dogbox.
Rimpelkring - As iemand regtig 'n @sshole is kan jy hulle 'n rimpelkring noem.
Knaterflater - Soos die Engelse sal sê is dit 'n balls-up
Bekotsenswaardig - As iets regtig sleg is.
Wolfdrol - 'n Lekker woord vir 'n patat.
Melk-en-koekie-doekie - 'n Bikini
Kombikraal - 'n Ander woord vir 'n taxirank.
Hoerboer - 'n Hoerboer is 'n pimp.
Flaterwater - 'n Mooi Afrikaanse woorde vir Tip-ex
Plooipleister - 'n Minder mooi woord vir "makeup"
Strikkie griep - MIV/VIGS.
Gemoedsbekakking - Dit is as jy depressief is.
Kuberknippie - Dit is darem nou 'n lekker woord vir cybersex.
Hoerberoerte - Dit kry 'n mens as jy verby jou skarnier kwaad is.
Bergieparfuum - Brandewyn.
Koerhoere - Back-up sangers.
Ponkerlong - 'n Ander woord vir liefdemaak.
Doefpoef - 'n Plaas toilet of longdrop.

Why communication fails between men and women

He said : Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said:. That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said: Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said : Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said: I would but you're never there.

He said: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
She said: They don't have time

He said : How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said: We don't know; it has never happened.

He said: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
She said: They already have boyfriends.

She said: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
He said: A widow.

He said: Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Opposites Attract Trivia

1. THINGY
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing cricket without a box.

3. COMMUNICATION
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with
this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. REMOTE CONTROL
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

How Smart is Your Right Foot?

This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And you will keep trying at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't.
1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.
I told you so .....And there's nothing you can do about it.

Joburg is know as the flirting Capital of Africa.

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb? (Click on image to enlarge)

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
Here is what they had to say:
Border Collie: "Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code." Poodle: "I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry." Dachshund: "You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!" Rottweiler: "Make me." Dachshund: "You know I can't reach that stupid lamp! "
Labrador Retriever: " Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!"
Jack Russell Terrier: "I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture."

Paris dumps Tinkerbell

HOLLYWOOD's handbag hounds are shaking in their diamond-studded collars after Paris Hilton reportedly ditched her pint-sized pup Tinkerbell.
The House of Wax babe decided the teacup chihuahua had grown too big to make the grade as a fashion accessory, so she sent the pooch off to live with her mother, Kathy, New York magazine has reported. Fickle Hilton has downsized to a newer model called Bambi, who is apparently much easier to co-ordinate with her evening ensembles.
"(Paris) only likes them when they're very small, and Tinkerbell got too big," a mate said to New York magazine.
Tinkerbell first hit the headlines in August last year, when she went missing in Hilton's West Hollywood neighbourhood. The distraught hotel heiress was so upset she stumped up a $6500 reward for the pampered pooch, who was found a week later.
In June, Hilton referred to Bambi as Tinkerbell's "boyfriend" but it was clear even back then that Tinkerbell knew the score. All I can say to Paris is: "that bitch"

IF WOMEN CONTROLLED THE WORLD - The following laws would be installed

(Law number 1) - Traffic Law

(Law number 2) Improving Technology 

(Law number 3) Computer Law

(Law number 5) Traffic Law

(Law number 4) Manual Labour Law

(Law number 6) Hygiene Law

Joke of the day: Gorgeous

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies.

They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; he decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise. They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.

The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted. This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his head off.

Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy calms down and says......"Make them all ugly again"

In the 1500s houses had thatched roofs - thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

In the 1500s most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married. Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."

England's old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone-house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer."

Optical illusion

Count the Black dots

Take a look at the following picture. You might think it is animated but it is not. Your eyes are making it move. To test this, stare at one spot for a couple seconds and everything will stop moving. Or look at the black center of each circle and it will stop moving. But move your eyes to the next black center and the previous will move after you take your eyes away from it.

Is this possible?

Decorating the Joburg Skyline

An orginasation called Motherland Funk recently held a big party in Joburg where they got people to slide down the biggest flag of South Africa a few feet above our heads. Pretty tight don't you think.

New South African Logo's 

Joke of the Day - Insane in the Mem Brane

Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Mary suddenly jumped into the deep end. She sunk to the bottom and stayed there. Jim promptly jumped in to save her. He swam to the bottom and pulled Mary out. When the medical director became aware of Jim's heroic act he immediately ordered him to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered him to be mentally stable.
When he went to tell Jim the news he said, "Jim, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since youwere able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses.
The bad news is, Mary, the patient you saved, hung herself with her dressing gown belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but she's dead." Jim replied, "She didn't hang herself. I put her there to dry."

Where is your master: TAKE US TO CASPER

TAKE US TO CASPER .... is die woorde van die Aliens op die nuutste radio advertensie wat die Casper Rasper Show adverteer - onlangs in die Staatsteater te sien. Ek voel effens soos daardie aliens aangesien ek ingestem het om saam met 'n paar slap-stick komiese vriende na die show te gaan kyk teen my beterwete.

Van intense navorsing en gesprekke met intelektule individuee ('kak'-praat) het ek tot die konklusie gekom dat 'n mens baie voorbereiding nodig het voordat jy jouself aan iets so rasperig blootstel. Ek sal met ligte voorbereiding begin 'n paar weke voor die show myself vermaak met Jerry Springer in die aande en American Pie en Not another Teen Movie oor Naweke. Drastiese voorbereiding sal egter 'n paar ure voor die show begin met 'n kalmeerpilletjie afgesluk met 'n Bottel Vodka en 'n pruik op my kop ingevul daar iemand is wat ek ken.
Watch this space vir my Resensie oor die aand

Oom Kalie-Marie nie die eetbare tipe wat jy by Ocean Basket kry nie

Die Bitch op die Kasper Rasper Show