She said He heard

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Venus and Mars

Inter-office email

How to Save your job

Leadership Chain

Reasons not to mess with children

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,
"Thou shall not kill."

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

Braaivleis - DEUR N VROU GESKRYF!!!

Vleisbraai is die enigste tipe kosmaak wat 'n ware man sal doen.Wanneer 'n man besluit om te braai, word die volgende ketting-reaksie aan die gang gesit:
1) Die vrou gaan koop die kos.
2) Die vrou maak die slaai, pap en sous.
3) Die vrou gooi speserye op die vleis, sit dit in 'n bak saam met die nodige braai-gereedskap en souse en vat dit na die man wat langs die braaier met 'n dop in sy hand.
4) Belangrik: DIE MAN PLAAS DIE VLEIS OP DIE ROOSTER...
5) Die vrou gaan na binne om die borde en eetgerei reg te kry.
6) Die vrou kom uit om die man te vertel dat die vleis besig is
om te verbrand. Hy bedank haar en vra of sy nog 'n dop sal gooi terwyl hy die situasie onder beheer bring.
7) Weer belangrik: DIE MAN VERWYDER DIE VLEIS VAN DIE ROOSTER EN GEE DIT VIR DIE VROU AAN.
8) Die vrou sit al die kos gereed op die tafel.
9) Na ete dek die vrou die tafel af en was al die skottelgoed.
10) Almal bedank die MAN vir die heerlike braai-poging.
Later vra die man of sy vrou darem haar "aandjie af" geniet het. Wanneer hy die reaksie op haar gesig sien, besluit hy daar is ook niks wat sommige vrouens tevrede sal stel nie!

Rooting for the Underdogs

(Elvis, Nicole Ritchie, Linux Icon, Zama Jobe and Angie)

Ever since I can remember I have been rooting for the Underdogs. And it must have worked because most off exelled beyond any ones expectations. Just take Elvis for example - the King can hardly be called an underdog but that is exacly what he was. Starting out his music career at a talent competition he came second. (I bet nobody can remember who came first.)

And what about Nicole Ritchie - Paris Hilton's Side Kick no more. On their shared reality show - 'The Simple Life', Nicole was always in Paris shadow. Now that the friendship is officially over Nicole is making her own headlines and with her and Paris latest movies being realised on the same date their is no doubt which one I would support.

Linux is another one of my favourite examples of underdogs. Back in the days when Windows enjoyed a gigantic monopoly of the Computer Industry nobody thought that Linux would introduce the concept of shared knowledge and open source. I remember a few years ago at University there was this dude in my Java Programming Class who always dressed in his Pengiun shirt, telling everyone he'sis investing all his money in Linux. We thought he was a nutter but his now propably counting the notes.

Zama Jobe the winner of a few SAMA's and a highly succesful jazz artist participated in Idols a few years ago and only made it into the top 12 as a wildcard. Now she is the most succesfull Idols finalist to date.

Lastly I have to give it to Angie from Survivor Palau. Being picked last in her tribe she shoved everybody at their next challenge when she totally dominated and ensured vircory for her tribe.

Gift Header pic

3 Golden Rules for Old Age

Getting Older

Top 100 Songs in Joburg

94/7 Highveld Stereo is again composing Joburgs top 100 songs. Here is a list of my top 10 songs Please vote for your favourite. (If you don't like any of these songs then please comment what is your favourite)

Vote for your favourite songs
	'Iris' by the Goo Goo Dolls
	'You're Beautiful' - James Blunt
	'Don't Cha' - Pussy Cat Dolls
	'One word' - Kelly Osborne
	'Cool' - Gwen Stefani
	'Don't Lie' - Black Eyed Peas
	'I like the Way' - Bodyrockers
	'Doo Bee Doo' - Freshly Ground
	'Destiny' - Malaika
	'Miracle' - Prime Circle

Think before you speak

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

History that is Creepy

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights. Both wives lost their children while living in the White House. Both Presidents were shot on a Friday. Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners. Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names. Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln' made by 'Ford.'

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here's the kicker... A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, MarylandA week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

Mommy's little Girl

My ma was altyd 'n hoof van 'n kleuterskool in Nelspruit. Ongeveer 2 jaar terug het die premier van Mpumalanga impulsief, vir geen goeie rede, besluit om alle kleuterskole toe te maak. My ma is geskyf na 'n Laerskool waar sy vir graad 1's moet klas geen en in minder as 4 maande word sy toe ook sommer die hoof van die skool.

Deel van die vereiste om hoof te wees is dat jy deur Unisa Universiteit adisioneel die Graad genaamd 'Schooling' moet swat(Al het jy 20 jaar terug jou graad in Onderwys gekoem - maar as die regering betaal wie gaan kla!) Dit behels dat my arme moeder toegegooi word onder take, eksamens en opdragte terwyl sy terselfdertyd 'n slool met 800 kinders moet beheer en vir haar Graad 1 klas moet leer lees.

So natuurlik was dit Payback time vir Ma se twee oulike bloedjies genaamd myself en my suster. Ons moes help take maak, navorsing doen of self net idees neerlê (want sien tydend ons Skool en Universiteit dae het my Ma altyd gehelp waar sy kon al was dit net met 'n koppie koffie).

Die advertising deel van die taak is onmiddellik aan my oorhandig. Ek moes Motiverings posters gemik op die Laerskool kinders en onderwysers maak wat 'n mens in 'n skool kan opsit.
Dit was vir baie 'n welkome ontvlugting van die High-Pressure ads wat ek elke dag moes maak en ek moet sê die posters is nogals oulik :) Wat dink julle?

Dr. Phil's Test (Dr. Phil scored 55 he did this test on Oprah -- she got 38.)

Write down your answers on paper.

1. When do you feel at your best?
a) in the morning b) during the afternoon and early evening c) late at night
2. You usually walk.....
a) fairly fast, with long steps b) fairly fast, with little steps
c) less fast head up, looking the world in the face d) less fast, head down e) very slowly
3. When talking to people, you...
a) stand with your arms folded b ) have your hands clasped c) have one or both your hands on your hips or in pockets d) touch or push the person to whom you are talking
e) play with your ear, touch your chin or smooth your hair
4. When relaxing, you sit with...
a) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side b) your legs crossed
c) your legs stretched out or straight d) one leg curled under you
5. When something really amuses you, You react with...
a) a big appreciated laugh b) a laugh, but not a loud one
c) a quiet chuckle d) a sheepish smile
6. When you go to a party or social gathering, you...
a) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you b) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know c) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed
7. When you're working or concentrating very hard, and you're interrupted, you...
a) welcome the break b) feel extremely irritated c) vary between these two extremes
8. Which of the following colors do you like most?
a) Red or orange b) black c) yellow or light blue d) green
e) dark blue or purple f) white g) brown or gray
9. When you're in bed at night, before going to sleep, you lie...
a) stretched out on your back b) stretched out face down on your stomach
c) on your side, slightly curled d) with your head on one arm e) with your head under the covers
10. You often dream that you are...
a) falling b) fighting or struggling c) searching for something orsomebody
d) flying or floatinge) you usually have dreamless sleep f) your dreams are always pleasant

POINTS:
1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6
2. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1
3. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6
4. (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1
5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2
6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2
7. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4
8. (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d)4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1
9. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e) 1
10. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1

Now add up the total number of points.
OVER 60 POINTS
Others see you as someone they should "handle with care." You're seen asvain, self-centered and one who is extremely domineering. Others mayadmire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you,hesitating to become too deeply involved with you.

51 TO 60 POINTS
Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, one who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.

41 TO 50 POINTS
Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.

31 TO 40 POINTS
Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful and practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over it if that trust is ever broken.

21 TO 30 POINTS
Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of themoment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature.

UNDER 21 POINTS
People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs lookingafter, who always wants someone else to make the decisions and who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anything! They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some people think you're boring. Only those who know you well know that you aren't.

Brilliant Communication

Sometimes you just need to spell it out

Hard hitting Signs

That stupid Beach

NO TIME NO TIME NO TIME

I knelt to pray but not for long, I had too much to do. I had to hurry and get to work
For bills would soon be due. So! I knelt and said a hurried prayer,
And jumped up off my knees. My Christian duty was now done My soul could rest at ease.....
All day long I had no time To spread a word of cheer No time to speak of Christ to friends,
They'd laugh at me I'd fear. No time, no time, too much to do, That was my constant cry,
No time to give to souls in need But at last the time, the time to die.
I went before the Lord, I came, I stood with downcast eyes. For in his hands God held a book; It was the book of life. God looked into his book and said "Your name I cannot find.
I once was going to write it down... But never found the time"
Now do you have the time to pass it

New Version of the Birds and the Bees...

The little boy asks his father - "Daddy, how was I born?" Dad responds, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Well, you see, your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Popup appeared and said: You've got male.

What do you say after sex

Aries: I' m hungry, pass the pizza. Taurus: Okay, let's do it again.
Gemini: Have you seen the TV remote? Cancer: When are we getting married?
Leo: Wasn't I fantastic? Virgo: I need to wash the sheets. Libra: I liked it if you liked it. Scorpio: Perhaps I should untie you.
Sagittarius: Don't call me, I'll call Capricorn: Do you have a business card?
Aquarius: Now let's do it again and again Pisces: What did you say your name was?

Escape the Crimson Room

Post People know the Crimson Room – A virtual Room built with one mission. You have to escape by finding 13 items. If you have never tried it give it a go at: http://flash.qbol.net/pl;p/youxi/images/04042203.swf

If you have tried and could not escape I put a step by step guide on this site: http://greatestspoof.blogspot.com/

that will help you.

Quote for the day

"When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt"

Picture of the day

Say Cheese!

Engineerd to be Enjoyed

The New Peugeot- only one way to describe it - Very Sexy

A perfect fit

What a nice Backside view!

Interior: You handle everything from your stearing weel - the petrol, brakes , everything.

A SMALL TRUTH TO MAKE LIFE 100%

If A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Equals 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

then ….

Hard Work

H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

Love

L+O+V+E

12+15+22+5 = 54%

Money

M+O+N+E+Y

13+15+14+5+25 = 72%

Luck

L+U+C+K

12+21+3+11 = 47%

What we really need to go further is:

ATTITUDE

A+T+T+I+T+U+D+E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

It is our attitude towards Life and Work that makes OUR Life 100%

What religion is your Bra?

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. What type of bra?" asked the clerk. Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type? Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from. Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied: There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer? Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them. The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple... The Catholic type supports the masses. The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen, The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.

Gift

Engrish in Asia

These signs are huge in Asia

Woman of Wisteria Lane

Felicity Huffman poses with Desperate Housewives' co-stars Marcia Cross, far left, Nicollette Sheridan, and Eva Longoria as she holds her award for outstanding lead actress in a comedy series.

"I've turned into one of those actresses and I'm sorry," said Huffman, who plays an overwhelmed homemaker on Desperate Housewives, as she became teary at the start of her acceptance speech.

She thanked "the women of Wisteria Lane", her co-stars Marcia Cross and Teri Hatcher - also nominees in the category - and Eva Longoria. So why is Teri Hatcher missing from the photo?? One can only guess what Miss Hatcher was doing while the other housiwives congratulated their co-star. Maybe she was crying her eyes out in the bathroom - who know?. At least Marcia looks sincere.

idols

Clever Computer 

Computer Demands

Instant Coffee

Click OK and a warm cup of coffee will appear in your CD Rom

Bunny love

I am... I Said - Neil Diamond" (opgedra aan iemand spesiaal in NZ)

LA's fine, sunshine most of the time (NZ)
The feeling is laid back
Palm trees grow and the rents are low
But you know i keep thinking about Making my way back
Well, I'm new York city born and raised (EL, RSA)
But nowadays, I'm lost between two shores
LA's fine, but it ain't home New York's home but it ain't mine no more
I am, i said To no one there And no one heard at all Not even the chair
I am, i cried I am, said IAnd i am lost,
and i can't even say whyLeavin' me lonely still

Did you ever read about a frog who dreamed of being a king
And then became one Well, except for the names and a few other changes
If you talk about me, the story's the same one
But i got an emptiness deep inside
And I've tried but it won't let me go And I'm not a man who likes to swear
But I've never cared for the sound of being alone I am,
i said To no one there And no one heard at all Not even the chair
I am, i cried I am, said I And i am lost,
and i can't even say why Leavin' me lonely still..."

Joke of the day

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, andnoticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he worehis collar that way. The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father." The little boy replied, "My daddy doesn't wear his collar like that." The priest looked up from his book and answered "I am the Father ofmany." The boy said, "My dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way." The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds!" and went back to reading his book................The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over andsaid, "Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."

Find out what is your Cyborg name www.cyborgname.com 

My Birthday Dillema Poll (Read article below first)

What should I do about my Birthday Dillema?
	Invite 10 boring people.
	Have NO Party.
	Edited Crazy 88 Party.
	Every1 pay for themselves.

My Birthday Dillema

So it’s my birthday in a few weeks time and I had this wonderful brainwave to have a small party, since I’m only turning 24. But being the creative person I am my mind went totally overboard planning to invite more than 50 people, hiring bands, car guards, bouncers, DJ’s and models, getting Jamie Oliver to do the snacks and Rocco to do the drinks and having a little fire work display just for doing something nice. Ooh Ja and don’t forget the theme “Crazy 88 gang” from Kill Bill. (Should I fly in Uma as the guest of honor?)

“STOP, HOKAAI, SLOW DOWN GIRL first of all you don’t have a budget (what your planning will cost more than the Oscars) and secondly you don’t have the space (your flat can accommodate maybe 2 people and your garden 10 if you really push it) “, this little annoying voice in the back of my mind, sounding like Rachel from friends, kept telling me.

Reality check! The logic starts kicking in slowly and suddenly I remember that my bachelors flat is next to a church and that my landlord is the minister of that church and would probably not appreciate people puking in his garden, setting light to his flowers and dancing on the church roof to the sounds of “the church, the church, the church in on fire.”

So I basically have 4 options:

OPTION 1: Invite 10 really boring people and play Monopoly while drinking Non-Alcoholic Punch. (Problem: I don’t know any people like that)

OPTION 2: Have NO Party like last year and the year before because I’m to scared things will get totally out of hand (as they usually do)

OPTION 3: Have the Crazy 88 Party but with fever people and CUT my Budget from R1 million Rand to R1000 and hope the neighbors won’t complain.

OPTION 4: Go to the movies, a pub or restaurant and have people pay for their own stuff.

Cause I can’t think OBJECTIVELY I’m leaving it to you to help me. I’m going to create a poll with the four options and ask you to VOTE!!! Remember this is for a serious cause.

Joke of the Day

Today's Indian survival tip...

Next time you are too drunk to drive, Walk to the nearest Debonairs,
Place an order, And when they go to deliver it, Catch a ride home with
them.
Update to today's survival tip: When catching a lift with the delivery
guy give him the long way directions home- delivering the pizza after
45mins you will get the pizza and the lift for free

Quick Poll

Are South African celebrities overrated?
	No Ways - they're equal to Hollywood
	Yes - they are wannabees
	I didn't know SA has celebrities?
	If I hear 1 more Sport Star date model story I'll puke!

New comer wins Face of Fashion Carlton

It was a vibrant Carlton Centre that played host to the first Face of Fashion for 2005 on Saturday morning, 10 September, where a winner and runner up were chosen to take part at the nationals in Cape Town later this year.
Olivia Mokhema (19) walked away as the winner and will be representing Carlton Centre for the rest of the year with Rozelle Vercueil (23) the runner up joining her at the finals. These girls could walk away with a modeling contract from Storm, a branded car and the chance to be automatically entered into the semi-finals for Miss SA 2005 if they win.
"I entered the pageant to gain experience and to have some fun as this was the first time that I tried out the modeling thing", says Olivia who is now in her second year of studying Sport Management at the University of Johannesburg.
While she is planning to excel in her chosen career in sport management she would like to do modeling part time in order to motivate other young girls. "Modeling is really a career choice that grooms you as a woman and I am really excited to represent Carlton Centre and to get to know Johannesburg as I am originally from Vereeniging."
Face of Fashion started last year at Eastgate mall and has since expanded into covering 4 provinces and 6 shopping centers. It was created to appeal to a younger market that could integrate music, fashion and pizzazz and by looking at Saturdays pageant it was a huge success.
Sammy Sabiti MC'd this event and his smooth style worked well with the crowd who even gathered on the escalators to have a glimpse at the 12 beautiful finalists. While the Judges where deciding who should make it to the top 5 Tyte, Slovaz and Native Squad provided entertainment.
The Traditional and evening wear was the definitely the highlight of the morning and the girls looked proudly South African in their outfits from Funi and African Queen. The morning ended off with a VIP cocktail breakfast at the Top of Africa where everyone enjoyed the wonderful Joburg view.

South African Celebrities have one big problem

South African Celebrities have one big problem .... they think they are as huge as their Hollywood bro's and sisters but their not! Take Sammy Sabiti who recently hosted the Face of Fashion at Carlton Centre. Real nice and vibrant on stage and on TV (remember he presented Idols) but in real life (Yawn) they're a bore ....

Kuzo looking lovely in African Queen wear at Face of Fashion Carlton Centre

Walking the Ramp in Tradisional wear from Funi is Khwezi at Face of Fashion Carlton Centre

Stress Test

I am not sure exactly how it works, but this is amazingly accurate. Read the full description before looking at the picture. The picture below has 2 identical dolphins in it. It was used in a case study on stress level at St. Mary's Hospital.

Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water. The dolphins are identical. A closely monitored, scientific study of a group revealed that in spite of the fact that the dolphins are identical; a person under stress would find differences in the two dolphins.
If there are many differences found between both dolphins, it means that the person is experiencing a great amount of stress. Look at the photograph and if you find more than one or two differences you may want to take a vacation.

RESENSIE: Kasper de Vries in die staatsteater

Dit is Vrydag aand en een van my beste vriende in die Advertising Industry se Birthday maar i.p.v om soos laas jaar Melville toe te gaan en dronk te word besluit hy toe dat al sy vriende, kennise en familie saam met hom na Mnr. FokJouEkIsTogSoSnaaks moet gaan kyk. Ook beter bekend as Kasper De Vries.

So ek kry toe maar my Paspoort gereed (show was in Pretoria se Staatsteater) en drink 6 Savannah Lights en daar is ek toe nou ook oppad met klomp vooropgestelde idees in my kop oor wat die show sal behels.By die Staatsteater aangekom val twee dinge my by nr 1: Die gehoor is Spierwit en nr 2: Almal is Afrikaans behalwe vir Shireen en Rohan (Engelse Buddies) wat langs my sit. Ek kyk die heeltyd uit of ek nie die Bitch (een van die karakters waarvan ek al gehoor het) in die gehoor kan sien nie maar vind later uit dat dit eintlik 'n "One Man Show" is.

"JOU WêRELD " staan op die verhoog geskryf en nee dit is nie die koerant - Die Wereld wat hul bemarkings veldog met 'n sponsorship probeer verbeter nie maar eintlik die tema van die show. In 'n neute dop handel die show oor 'n klomp aliens wat op die aarde land en snaaks genoeg net Afrikaans kan praat met een klein verskilletjie - Vloekwoorde is vir hulle gewone woorde en anders om. Aangesien Patricia Lewis nie "Dit gaan Kak" sal kan sê nie besluit die regering op Kasper om 'n Afrikaanse Show vir die Aliens saam te stel.

Kasper vloek so 'n bietjie, doen 'n paar oulike imitasies van o.a Dozi, Amanda Stijdom, Laurika en Steve en vertel dan vir die Aliens van die Geskiedenis van Afrikaans. Uiteindelik kan ek ook saam met die gehoor lag as Kasper vertel van hoe Volkspeles hom geirriteer het met liedjies soos 'Siembamba', 'Ou Tant Jakoba' en 'Kyk hoe ry tant Hessie se wit perd, Hessie se wit perd, Hessie se wit perd So!' Die Show raak weer Bar as Kasper soos Evita Bezuidenhout aantrek en woorde soos 'Penis' op 'n groot skerm gooi en dan dit die Plesier Spier noem. (Daardie epos met alternatiewe woorde het 3 maande terug gesirkuleer)

Hy beweeg egter aan na ernstiger onderwerpe soos Depressie en Selfmoord en doen 'n Humoristiese skets van 'n Walvis wat verdwaal en dit dan lyk asof hy selfmoord pleeg ... soos die groot vis sê: 'Life's a Beach and then you die.' Kasper dra die hele show aan sy boetie op wat selfmoord gepleeg het en na die show voel ek goed want ek is nie net heeltemal ontspanne nie maar het eintlik ten spyte van al my vooropgestelde idees kwaliteit humor tussen al die 'Kak' gevind.

You are a South African bush pilot. You fly in some critical medical supplies, enjoy a quick lunch at the hospital. It's a stifling 100 degrees in the shade and you're eager to get back up to the cool, high blue yonder. On the way back to your plane, you discover that the only bit of shade, within 1 mile, has become very popular . . . You start calculating the distance to the plane door and wonder . . . "Do I feel lucky today?"

 

Soweto Exam Paper

Examination Instructions:

1. Please write all answers between the lines.

2. No part of this answer book may be rolled and smoked.

3. No children of students are allowed to participate.

4. Please leave all firearms in the possession of parole officers.

5. Bribes will be accepted at a minimum of R300.00

6. If this exam does not match the one that you bought in advance, please notify the examiner.

QUESTION 1

Philemon has an AK 47 with 2 magazines taped together, each holding 30

rounds. If he misses 8 out of 10 shots, how many drive-by taxi shootings

can he attempt B4 having to reload?

QUESTION 2

Phineas has a 12-seater minibus. To avoid discomfort he never carries

more than 23 people. Assuming each passenger weighs 85 kg, and piles

35kg of luggage on the roof, he drives at 140 km/hr and that his brakes

are 25% efficient,what would his stopping distance be?

a) 300 m

b) 600 m

c) 10 m

d) Depends if there is another passenger to pick up.

You are proudly South African when...

1. You can do your monthly shopping on the pavement. 2. You can pay your tuition fees by holding up a sign at a traffic light 3. The petrol in your tank may be worth more than your car. 4. More people vote in a local reality TV show than in a local election. 5. People have the most wonderful names: Christmas, Goodwill, Pretty, Wednesday, Brilliant. 6. Travelling at 120 km/h you're the slowest vehicle on the highway. 7. The last time you visited the coast you paid more in toll fees than you did for the entire holiday. 8. You dial a toll free number and nobody answers. 9. You have to prove that you don't need a loan to get one. 10. Prisoners go on strike.

The Perfect Man

You can't buy Eternal Youth

Just Imagine what our favourite celebraties would look like when they grow old. Paris Hilton will still wear Pienk but will her dog Tinkerbell still be around?

TICK TOCK TICK TOCK Shut your face you stupid Ho ... She said it in her first single, only time will tell if Queen of Pop - Gwen Stefani will turn into the Grandma of Pop (position currently hold by Cher) 

Veels Geluk Liewe Maatjie (Joop Brown) met die 23 jaar Saterdag!!!! 

Woman 

Questions asked about South Africa

Questions about South Africa were posted on a SA
Tourism Website and answered by the website owner.

Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have never seen it
Rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around
watching them die.

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the
railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only two thousand kilometres. Take lots of water.

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in
South>(USA)
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific.
A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which
does not...oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday
night in Hillbrow. Come naked.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female
population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Brief aan sielkundige

"Hiermee wil ek graag my uiterste verwarring uiteensit: My pa en ek woon saam en ons het 'n radio en 'n TV. Hy is 'n wewenaar en ek ongetroud. Onder ons woon 'n weduwee en haar dogter, albei baie mooi en sonder 'n radio of TV. Hulle kom kuier gereeld by ons en ek raak toe verlief op die weduwee. Ons trou toe uiteindelik. Intussen raak my pa verlief op die dogter en hulle trou toe ook. Net daar begin my kak. Omdat my pa met die dogter van my vrou getroud is, (ook my dogter), is my dogter nou my ma. Ek is ook terselfdertyd haar pa, omdat ek met haar ma getroud is. Verder is my pa my vrou se skoonseun en ek is dus sy skoonpa omdat ek met die ma van sy vrou getroud is. Toe kry my vrou 'n seuntjie. Dit is ook my seun en die broer van my skoondogter, omdat sy die dogter van my vrou is. Die seuntjie is ook ek en my pa se swaer. Ek is dus my eie seun se neef en ook die neef van my skoondogter, omdat sy my seun se suster is.

Daarom is my skoonma ook my tannie. Toe kry my pa se vrou ook 'n seuntjie en hy word dus my broer. My seun is oom van my kleinkind, omdat hy die broer van my dogter is. My vrou is sy ouma grootjie, want sy is die kind van haar dogter. Ek is dus sy oupa grootjie. Aangesien die oupa grootjie van my broer ook myne is, is ek dus my eie oupa grootjie!

Nou kan jy verstaan hoekom ek so gef*k in die kop is! Groete Oupa Grootjie!"

Joke of the day

What did c:\DARTHVADER say to c:\DARTHVADER\LUKESKYWALKER?

"Luke, I am your folder"

Ag Sweet

Porcupine Babies