CC5 How to stay the Topdog

My 5th CC toastmaster speech. The objective was body language.

copyright of the speech belongs to Zani Smit

It's a dog eat dog world out there. The only way to survive is to dominate your pack and declare yourself the topdog , if you don't then automatically you'll be the underdog.

Madam Toastmaster, Ladies & Gentlemen I never knew anything about being the TopDog also known as the Alpha Dog or the Leader, until I decided to Buy a new puppy.
People buy puppies for different reasons. Some need help on their farms others want a guard dog, I just wanted a companion (Who couldn't speak back)

So how did I end up being the Topdog in a household with one husband, one hamster and a brand new foxterrier puppy named Bella. That's what I'm going to tell you tonight. Since day one Bella never stood a chance to challenge my Topdog position. Before she was born I did a lot of research on establishing and keeping alpha position and making sure that Bella knows who's the boss. Me. My research told me that it's very important that a dog knows his place in your human pack. A dog lacking in this order is an unhappy dog who will show signs of aggression, separation anxiety and no respect for humans.

On my fridge I printed a list of rules that every dog owner should follow to ensure that his dog knows his place in their human pack. I made sure that my husband also memorized this list, threatening him with the dog house if he slipped up.

So on our first day as dogowners we picked up Bella from a farm. She was only 6 weeks old and not used to the tiny collar that we put around her neck.

After taking her to the Vet for her injections it was time for the first pack walk. The number one way to communicate to a dog that you are his pack leader is to take him for a walk. Not the type of walk most humans take their dogs on but a pack walk where the dog is made to heel beside or behind the human who is holding the lead. This is most important for all dogs, as in a dog's mind, the leader always leads the ways.

Now the first pack walk is the most difficult. It took me 10 minutes to get Bella to stop eating her leash. Bella spoeg, spoeg dit uit, sies man. Soet hondjie, Soet hondjie. Ouch! I then had to drag her out of the yard. We made a little bit of progress until… the entire neighbourhoods dogs stared barking to the tune of Who let the dogs out. Woof Woof Woof Woof Bella wouldn't move an inch, so I picked her up (buk af) and carried her in my arms back home. Big mistake my husband reminded me, now she was going to develop Small dog syndrome. There goes your alpha position he smiled.

I wasn't about to give up I was after all the TopDog and had a few other internet tips at my disposal. If you ever want to become the TOPDOG in your pack, you need to know that is hard work. We had to completely change the way we do things. Now walking into a doorway was an issue. Why? Because the alpha dog must always enter a room first and if you've got an enthusiastic fox terrier it's very difficult to get anywhere first.

It also involved a lot of mind games especially during dinner time. All humans must eat before the dogs, as the leader always eats first. Here comes the tricky part. When you give your dog food you must eat a small snack first while the dog is watching, lay the snack near the dogs food so that he thinks you are eating out of his bowl. Having staring contests with the dog is also out because if you blink first or avert your gaze, it will only reinforce, in the dogs mind, that He is Top Dog.

After having Bella around for a few weeks the rules started to become routine and I felt like wagging my tail. There was only one aspect of being the Top Dog that I couldn't get right. Hiding my emotions such as fear, anxiety or nervousness from the Beta dog. Because a dog can sense these emotions they will see you as weak and want to take control as the leader. Whenever something upset me and I wanted to freak out I had to stay calm, assertive and consistent. I had to adapt my body language and instead of hunching my shoulders when the lightning stuck I stood very straight up with my shoulder pushed pack. All of a sudden the whole household was happy from the hamster to the husband and the new foxterrier puppy. Why? Because even though my bark is worse than my bite – I am 100% the topdog.

Madam Toastmaster

Toastmasters CC4 - How to say it

CC4 – Pushing up Daisies

copyright of this speech belongs to Zani Smit

HERE IS A SMALL FACT You are - going - to die.

One of these days you will bite the dust,
meet your maker,
enter the eternal abyss,
soon you'll be pushing up daisies

Mr Toastmaster, Ladies and Gentleman. No matter how gently I try to tell you about your future, the facts remain the same – we are all going to die

If you are a toastmaster then you've got nothing to worry about. A recent survey found that people are more afraid of public speaking than of dying.
I'm not one of those people! I prefer being up here talking to you, instead of listening to a bunch of boring sentimental speeches at my own funeral.

Why am I scared of meeting the grim reaper? It's the fear of the unkown. I can only rely on my imagination ….he will arrive silently one cold evening, covered in a black hood as dark as the night, his bony hands grasping my soul.

Unfortunately when we die we don't get an invitation stating the When, where and how.
Doomsday Prophecies tell us that we don't have to worry about the When. On December 21 2012 the world will come to an end. That leaves us with 1023 days to worry about the where and how and with 58 Toastmaster meetings to discuss it.

What scares me more than the fear of the unknown is the prospect of pain. Just think about all the excruciating ways a person can die … drowning in the turbulent ocean, falling hundreds of feet with the wind in your ears and the blurry ground rapidly coming into focus, burning your insides with a tiny glass bottle containing a clear liquid – poison … Romeo & Juliet made it seem so Romantic – What William Shakespeare forget to tell us was the pain.

But the secret is not how to die, it's how to live. Princess Diana died in a horrible car accident but when you think about her what do you remember? How she died or how she hugged an aids orphan.

At her funeral Sir Elton John paid tribute to her with the following lyrics: "Goodbye England's rose
May you ever grow in our hearts
You were the grace that placed itself
Where lives were torn apart
And your footsteps will always fall you
Along England's greenest hills
Your candle's burned out long before
Your legend never will"

Princess Diana was Englands Rose. But her memory did not fade away like the colours of the rose petals after a few days, her good deeds did not become irrelevant. She left an amazing legacy behind. Even with a dying rose you can find beauty in the decay.

We should all follow in Diana's footsteps. Instead of worrying about dying we should focus on living. Friendships, relationships, good deeds, love.. .. you can work on all these things right now. You can leave an amazing legacy behind.

Ladies and Gentlemen

HERE IS A SMALL FACT

You are – still alive.

Mr. Toastmaster

Finance for non-financial Managers - Section1: Global Financial systems

A NAMIBIAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You make biltong

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
* You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A SOUTH AFRICAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You go on strike because you want three cows.
* They get stolen, so you blame the previous regime' and steal someone else's cows and shoot their owner.

A ZIMBABWEAN CORPORATION
* A farmer has two cows.
* You take over his farm, eat both cows and wait for the international community to supply more.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You re-design them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
* You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* Both are mad.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You pray to them for food.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
* You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You count them and learn you have five cows.
* You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
* You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
* You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
* You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
* You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You have 300 people milking them.
* You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* The one on the left is kinda cute